As disagreements go, it went well. Tom and I used our Love and Respect training (I cheated and added my Respect Dare knowledge, stacking the deck ), and managed to keep a conflict from spiraling into an out-of-control fight. Still though, I didn't feel satisfied.
I was simmering inside, replaying tidbits of the conversation and holding imaginary conversations in my head.
Of course, I was right in each conversation.
At some point during our disagreement, I said, 'Nothing I do makes you happy!' I felt ineffective and useless.
That night we sat down and prayed together. My husband talks straight when he talks to God. No 'thees' and 'thous', no fancy words or long, drawn out sermons:
"God, please give us wisdom. Show us how to see eye to eye and get along."
We opened the Bible and this is the verse that popped out at us: "...those who follow after the Holy Spirit find themselves doing those things that please God. Following after the Holy Spirit leads to life and peace..." Romans 8:5b,6a
And there it is, a simple answer to a simple request. For Tom and I to see eye to eye, we need to be focusing on the same thing -- following after the Holy Spirit. Pleasing God, and no one else. The rest will follow.
Maybe it's not a new idea; I mean, it's in the Bible, so it's been around for a while... But perhaps it's time for me to start considering that when I grumble about trying to please others, the reason it's so hard is because it's not where my focus should be.