Any time I do a detox for my body, I have to make a list of the foods that I am consuming that don't offer me any health benefits.
When we are detoxing our minds and hearts, we need to participate in a similar investigation.
Identifying the beliefs, criticisms, and lies that are either 'self-talk', or spoken to us by others, is the first step.
For me, this involved taking an inventory of all the criticisms I have received over my life. For instance, I have been told that I am 'self-centered', when in fact, I am 'other-centered'. Or, I have been told that I am 'too emotional, high strung' when in fact, I am thoughtful, lively, and energetic.
How about this one - I've been told that I am mean, rude, and rebellious, when the truth of who God made me is that I am loving, caring, compassionate, transparent, real, and bold. And how about the self-talk I speak over myself that I am a failure as a wife, an ungrateful daughter and a terrible mother - when in truth, I am a good mother, an attentive wife, and a kind daughter/daughter-in-law.
Do you see how we do this? Try it on your own at first - take a sheet of paper and give yourself 2 columns. Column 1 - What I've Heard, and Column 2 - The Truth of Who I am.
In column 1, write down every negative word or description you've ever heard or spoken about yourself.
Then, in column 2, write down the opposite of that word. Generally, what you'll get is a list of attributes of who the 'Best' of you is.
Does this mean we are perfect, without flaw? No. But if you speak and choose to believe the 'Best' of yourself (that you are 'fearfully and wonderfully made', and if you refuse the 'Worst', over time, the toxicity of people's reactions to you will bother you less, as you begin to realize that they simply either
a. don't understand you, or,
b. react to you from a place of deep inner pain or wounds that have very little to do with you personally.
The main point of this exercise is to build a list of positive attributes about yourself - health food for your heart and mind. Something you can review every day, replacing the toxic words that you, and others, speak over yourself.
"We want to live well, but our foremost efforts should be to help others live well."
(1 Corinthians 10:24b MSG)