I wish I could say that my current state of physical fluffiness and food choices was due solely to the pandemic and its resulting stress. Or maybe politics. But truthfully, I've been struggling with my weight and food choices for going on 14 years now. Getting married was a huge life change, followed by multiple miscarriages and other growing pains created a perfect storm of events that brought my challenges out into the light of day, for everyone to see. You see, I'd been using unhealthy coping mechanisms - anything that shields us from the pain and struggle of now - to manage difficulties for years. After I was married and had a baby, the mechanisms of my 20s and 30s would no longer work. Food had become my 'feel good'. So now I was wearing my inner struggles on my hips. So many times over the past 14 years I'd tried one thing or another to lose weight and feel better. To be honest though, the piece that was missing was the pure helplessness and hopelessness that I experienced back in September 2020. I was backed into a corner, up against the wall. There was NO WAY OUT. My coping mechanisms were creating physical ailments, and my weight-related issues continued to plague me. I was desperate. My quiet mornings with Jesus had gone from six days a week to one or two, and when I did sit down with my bible, I didn't really like what I was reading or the direction in which the verses were pointing me. But that week, everything began to shift. I was crying out to God regularly, vacillating between thanking Him for how He'd helped me in the past and crying out for so much more. A theme was unfolding - in conversations and in my quiet time, and frankly, I didn't like it. Yet, even as I struggled, I started to hope that maybe this could be a way out. Part 2 available Monday, Feb 1, 2021.
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